I offer specialist counselling for adults who grew up as members of an expatriate family. These children are sometimes referred to as a ‘Third Culture Kids’ or ‘TCK’s’.
How these experiences affect childhood development and subsequent adult mental health is not often recognised in counselling and psychotherapy.
The term ‘Third Culture Kid’ was coined by American sociologist David Pollock, who defined these children as individuals who, having spent a significant part of their developmental years in a culture other than their parents one, develop relationships to multiple cultures without feeling full ownership of any. In lay terms, these are children of expatriate families—ranging from diplomats and corporate staff to missionaries and NGO or charity workers—families who live for extended periods outside their culture of origin, often called their passport country. Ruth Unseem developed Pollock’s ideas and extended it into looking at the effects of this childhood experience on Adult Third Culture Kids.
Adult Third Culture Kids are not fully of their passport country because they did not grow up within its culture. Often the Third Culture child has little or no actual experience of their passport culture, because it is only experienced on short vacations ‘home’ to see relatives. However neither are they completely of their second culture, because they and their parents think of themselves as outsiders in that country, planning to return to their passport country at some stage.
Pollock and Unseem found that Third Culture Children tend to develop their own culture which is significantly different to that of individuals who are born and raised in one culture. This culture has strengths and vulnerabilities, which influence the Adult Third Culture person often outside their awareness.
This cultural process is very different from children of families who have no intention of returning to the 'original’ culture who usually prioritise their children’s integration into the new culture.
An additional factor is the organisation that employs the parents often exerts considerable influence over family life, dictating moves at short notice, shaping values and behaviours, sometimes forcing abrupt school moves and disrupting friendships and budding romances. The young person quickly understands their own needs and the needs of the family as a whole are secondary to the needs of the employing organisation with consequent effects on trust and attachment.
Third Culture children from a UK family background face an additional psychological hurdle. They are frequently sent to boarding school, sometimes at a very young age, a process encouraged, and often paid for by the employing organisation. This abrupt shift from intimate family life to a formal, impersonal environment can increase issues around intimacy and attachment over and above those inherent in the Boarding School experience. There can therefore often be significant overlap between a Third Culture initial upbringing and Boarding School Syndrome.
The limited research on Boarding School indicates that 'Third Culture Children’ experience significantly more issues at boarding school and are at higher risk of abuse, from both peers and adults than their classmates. Additionally, it is common for these children to leave what they consider ‘home’ to go to boarding school and for the parents and rest of family then to move and the child never return to the place that elicits the sensations they unconsciously associate with ‘home’. This can produce a complicated grief process that lasts for decades.
In common with Boarding School Syndrome, the effects of a expatriate childhood can become trangenerational, in other words, the emotional and behavioural landscape of the ‘Third Culture’ person is passed down to their children. This is unsurprising as people brought up as Third Culture children, often enter relationships with people from similar backgrounds.
Returning to the passport culture can also be difficult. Parental expectations of easy assimilation collide with the reality that many Three Culture Children have little direct experience of their passport culture and find it confusing and overwhelming with limited or more often no understanding or support from parents or the new school or college system.
Since the parents originated in the home culture, they often expect their children to understand the cultural nuances, messages and welcome the ‘return home’ and consequently find it difficult to grasp why their children are struggling to integrate. The home culture is held in high esteem by the expatriate family so it can come as a significant shock for the young person to experience problems assimilating, with consequent issues around self-esteem. This can lead to a sense of being an outsider, and problems around identity.
Peer relationships are complicated by having spent most of their early lives among other Third Culture Children, who have their own culture of elational and geographical transience. The resulting sense of rootlessness is common and can shape career and lifestyle choices, with many TCKs drawn to further travel, international work, or roles that accommodate their fluid cultural identity.
‘Home’ is rooted in a small number of immediate family relationships, not a location, a culture or a network of friends. This means the effects of issues in the family such as conflict, alcohol or other problematic behaviours are amplified as there are no stable longstanding relationships outside the immediate nuclear family unit to provide a reference. Additionally close relationships made with local nannies, housekeepers or other Third Culture Children often end abruptly, with no prospect of meeting again. This has effects on trust and the ability to make close, intimate relationships later in life.
If you were brought up in an expatriate family, and are experiencing mental health or relationship problems, talking to a counsellor who understands the psychological landscape is likely to be beneficial.
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